konbanwa

Lately, i have been very upset with the grades im getting compared to last semester. Is it because of the working environment or is it just because i've change to become lazy or just cant be bothered. all i know is that im always looking forward to skipping school but always have nowhere in mind where to go or who to keng school with. im just upset with myself for having such a behaviour. well, the semester is ending and im trying hard to achieve at least a GPA of >3. *Insyaallah

My allergy is not even close to alleviate. i have avoid alot of food such as seafood and eggs but it seems that it gets "itchy-er" by the day. went to the doctor again and he said in some medical term which actually refers some kind of bug. @*&% i have a parasite on my body. he gave me this lotion to apply on and more medicine. *i feel like a sick child or am i really a sick child. =(
i wonder what made me this way. i was fine and this had to happened. at 1st it was urticaria which shocked the hell out of most people when i had a fever that reaches to 39.8 or 38.9 degree Celsius, all i know it was close to 40 degree Celsius. apart from that, the cause was partly due to emotional stress - i cant believe it. *i guess at times, i try so hard to overcome my obstacles that i dont realise im imperiling my well-being*

IVP is coming and i have no clue to what i want to do. honestly, i dont agree to sparring. i just had to because i just want to make my school proud and get medal that would be beneficial in the future. i like artistic but i just dont like doing solo. i prefer in groups or duo. i dont know what to do. further more, am i even choosen? i just dont have the commitment like i used to have. it just fades away as time passes. i just feel like im doing it for the sake of making a group of people happy. *why do i have this feelings?

Personal notes:
*sometimes i feel like staying in the hospital for i cant bear the infuriating itch*
*my interaction with others may be customary as i have be au feit with my façade*
*caring for people makes me happy*
*loving him makes me strong*
=...)